See here for part one and here for part two.
It was a cold, clear, still day in the month of December. The Skelty Jolly Roger ship and the Crackerish Jolly Roger ship were sitting in Ocean Number Three. Sitting because there was no wind. When there is no wind, there is nothing to power the sails and push the ship along so it just sits in the water.
The pirates were bored. They were just sitting on the deck of the ship which was sitting in the water. They needed something to do, "Arrgh, me hearties, I have just the thing!" shouted Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg (one on each ship). While the rest of the dread pirate crews sat on the deck, SJR ship=Captain Skelty, Captain Crackerish, Alien pirate, Captain Brown Beard peg leg, and Frye the Ferret, CJR ship=Captain Skelty, 5 Captain Crackerishes, Astronaut pirate, Captain Hank Hawk, Lemon-lime pirate, Frye the Ferret and Limey the Parrot, the two Captain Brown Beard Peg Legs descended into the deep dark depths of the ship's basements into the corner closet where the Christmas tree was stored. They sneezed a few times in the dank and dirty dark depths, but they carefully dragged the trees to the deck, one on each ship. The pirates ooohed and ahhhed and arrghhed over the trees, because they really enjoyed Christmas decorations. The trees were left decorated each year and just shoved into the lower closet for storage, so they were a little crumpled and crooked but the pirates knew just what to do to fix them up right.
On each ship, the pirates sat in a ring around the tree, and because it was a still day, they didn't roll around and could keep their balance easily, they used their feet to fluff up the tree and straighten the decorations. It was lots of fun to sit and talk pirate talk while decorating with your feet. Then Lemon-lime pirate, one of the lesser pirates, said, "I have an idea! This is fun but it would be even more fun if we took off our pirate boots and used our toes to decorate!" Yes! Yes, Arggh! they all agreed. So the boots came off. One thing you must know about pirates is, they never wash their feet. So when the boots came off, a great stink spread across the deck of each ship. PU! Wow, arggh, does that stink or what!?! Ewww, I think your feet stink worse than mine, let me smell...argghhh, cough, argghhh! Another thing you must know about pirates is that they like stinky smells. So they were happy stinking and smelling and decorating those trees with their toes. Except astronaut and alien (who are not proper pirates) argghed and choked and declared they had lost their appetites from the stench. They others decided that whoever had the longest, hairiest, stinkiest toes would have the privilege of straightening the star on the top of the tree. They all looked around, and sniffed, ewww! and Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg said, "it's me! I have the winning toes." So each Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg on each ship straightened the star and all the pirates sat back and admired their handiwork, er, I mean footwork. They were hungry after all that work, so they ate many bowls of soup (except alien and astronaut) and sang some Christmas Songs. This was their favorite: "Oh, Christmas Toe, Oh Christmas Toe, how stinky smelly are you..."
And thus passed another day on the twin pirate ships on Ocean Number Three. THE END.
Posted by The Editor