Sonic Pirates, the saga continues...

The latest bedtime story installment for two little boys, one with chocolate eyes and cinnamon hair and the other with blue eyes and blond curls... See here for previous chapters, as well as explanations for the members of the dread crew.

It was a cold, gray, cloudy day in the month of April. The ocean mirrored the sky and the air was still. No wind to fill the sails or make waves. The two pirate ships, captained each by a Captain Brown-Beard-Peg-Leg was drifting at the very edge of Ocean Number Two.

Suddenly, the lookout, Captain Skelty yelled, "Arrgh! Ahoy! Seaweed, dead ahead!" The pirates scrambled but it was too late to change course and both ships sailed straight into the giant bed of muck.

The seaweed on the surface was almost invisible, matching the color of the ocean and sky. And if you know anything about seaweed, if you see a little bit on the surface of the water, there will be vast rope-like streamers hanging way down into the depths. Under the water, however, the seaweed was purple, and green, and black with sparkling gold diamond sparkling shimmers, because it was magic seaweed.

This particular bed of seaweed marked a lair of the Sea Witch, who sometimes lived in a cave on the bottom of the edge of Ocean Number Two. She had been waiting for this day--for both pirate ships to sail into her trap. She had prepared by attaching bells to the ropes of seaweed outside her cave and by putting a spell on the seaweed to ensnare the pirates. When the bells started ringing, she cackled with glee. The seaweed started growing (because of the spell) and wound around the bottoms of the two ships, their rudders, up the sides and over the decks. It climbed up the masts and wound around each pirate in its path, first one leg and then the other leg (unless it was a peg leg and then it wound around the wooden leg), around one and then the other arm, the head, the face, eyepatch and mouth of each pirate. They were stuck! What would they do?!

The spell of the Sea Witch, however, only covered the ships and the pirates she knew: 7 Captain Crackerishes, 2 Captain Brown-Beard-Peg-Legs, an astro-tot, 2 Captain Skeltys (the skeleton pirate who was electricified), Frye the pirate pet ferret and Limey, the pirate parrot, and an alien pirate. What she didn't know when she cast the spell was that two new members had joined the crew: a squid and a starfish, so the seaweed did not wrap around them at all because they were not included in the spell.

Captain Skelty yelled (as the seaweed was blocking his mouth):
"SQUMMM! STARFFFD! WRMM IFF UUGGH, AARGGFFHH!"
(Translation: SQUID! STARFISH! WRAP IT UP, AARGH!)

So Squid and Starfish used all their arms/legs to wrap up the seaweed into a ball, superfast, quick as a flash, lickety-split and throw it overboard. Once Captain Skelty's mouth was cleared, he yelled, "AARGH! over you go too, and PUSH!!" So Squid and Starfish jumped into the bed of seaweed, that had no effect on them, and started pushing the boats out of the seaweed as fast as they could. A strong wind blew across the water and lifted the sails and they zoomed away.

Down below, while the seaweed wrapping was going on, the bells by the Sea Witch's cave were ringing like crazy. And then they stopped. The Sea Witch came out of the cave and shook the bells to make sure they still worked, and they did. She then turned on her jet air packs and shot straight to the surface and popped out of the water just as the pirate ships were sailing out of view. The Sea Witch yelled, "Ohhh, meeee, I have lost! Again!" and dove down to her cave to hide for six days.

Meanwhile on the pirate ships, there was much singing and dancing, "Ahoy, Aaargh! We got away from that old Sea Witch. Now let's have some soup! Aaargh!" So the pirates were served soup from the new soup machine delivered by the lego mars mission crystal leaper crew. Each pirate ate three bowls of soup, burped three times and then ate three more bowls, each. Then they went to their bunks to sack out and dream of another day when they could defeat the Sea Witch for good.

THE END.

Posted by The Editor.

Sonic pirates, continued

See here for part one and here for part two.

It was a cold, clear, still day in the month of December. The Skelty Jolly Roger ship and the Crackerish Jolly Roger ship were sitting in Ocean Number Three. Sitting because there was no wind. When there is no wind, there is nothing to power the sails and push the ship along so it just sits in the water.

The pirates were bored. They were just sitting on the deck of the ship which was sitting in the water. They needed something to do, "Arrgh, me hearties, I have just the thing!" shouted Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg (one on each ship). While the rest of the dread pirate crews sat on the deck, SJR ship=Captain Skelty, Captain Crackerish, Alien pirate, Captain Brown Beard peg leg, and Frye the Ferret, CJR ship=Captain Skelty, 5 Captain Crackerishes, Astronaut pirate, Captain Hank Hawk, Lemon-lime pirate, Frye the Ferret and Limey the Parrot, the two Captain Brown Beard Peg Legs descended into the deep dark depths of the ship's basements into the corner closet where the Christmas tree was stored. They sneezed a few times in the dank and dirty dark depths, but they carefully dragged the trees to the deck, one on each ship. The pirates ooohed and ahhhed and arrghhed over the trees, because they really enjoyed Christmas decorations. The trees were left decorated each year and just shoved into the lower closet for storage, so they were a little crumpled and crooked but the pirates knew just what to do to fix them up right.

On each ship, the pirates sat in a ring around the tree, and because it was a still day, they didn't roll around and could keep their balance easily, they used their feet to fluff up the tree and straighten the decorations. It was lots of fun to sit and talk pirate talk while decorating with your feet. Then Lemon-lime pirate, one of the lesser pirates, said, "I have an idea! This is fun but it would be even more fun if we took off our pirate boots and used our toes to decorate!" Yes! Yes, Arggh! they all agreed. So the boots came off. One thing you must know about pirates is, they never wash their feet. So when the boots came off, a great stink spread across the deck of each ship. PU! Wow, arggh, does that stink or what!?! Ewww, I think your feet stink worse than mine, let me smell...argghhh, cough, argghhh! Another thing you must know about pirates is that they like stinky smells. So they were happy stinking and smelling and decorating those trees with their toes. Except astronaut and alien (who are not proper pirates) argghed and choked and declared they had lost their appetites from the stench. They others decided that whoever had the longest, hairiest, stinkiest toes would have the privilege of straightening the star on the top of the tree. They all looked around, and sniffed, ewww! and Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg said, "it's me! I have the winning toes." So each Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg on each ship straightened the star and all the pirates sat back and admired their handiwork, er, I mean footwork. They were hungry after all that work, so they ate many bowls of soup (except alien and astronaut) and sang some Christmas Songs. This was their favorite: "Oh, Christmas Toe, Oh Christmas Toe, how stinky smelly are you..."

And thus passed another day on the twin pirate ships on Ocean Number Three. THE END.

Posted by The Editor

Sonic Pirates, second tale

See here for part one.

It was a cold, clear day in December when the Skelty and the Crackerish ships sailed through the Fifth Ocean, also known as Ocean Number Five. The air was crisp and the crew started shivering. Then they heard bells and "Ho, ho, ho."

"Ay, mateys! Did you hear that?!?" said Captain Crackerish 4. "Arggh, arggh, yes, yes, what is it, arggh?" chimed the rest of the crew (2 Skeltys, 1 Lemon-lime, 6 other Crackerishes, and 3 Brown-beard peg legs and their pets, limey the parrot and frye the ferret, astronaut, but alien was still missing, presumed overboard.)

"Ay, it be time to get your pirate hats, your pirate gloves, your pirate scarves, and your pirate jackets. We be sailing near the North Pole." said Crackerish 4.

"The North Pole? What?!?" said they. "Yes, the Fifth Ocean takes us near the North Pole, where it is cold, and snowy and icy. Santa Claus lives there. At this time of year, he practices with his sleigh and reindeer in preparation for Christmas" said Crackerish 4. "But, Beware, me hearties, there is a danger of getting icelocked."

The youngest pirates, limey and frye, said, "Ooh, ooh, tell us, what is icelocked?" Crackerish 4 shook his head and said, "It be a bad thing. I don't even want to speak of it. Captain Skelty, you tell them."

So, Captain Skelty, boarded the Crackerish ship by jumping over from the deck of the Skelty ship and all the pirates huddled around to hear. "Icelocked. I've seen it once before and never want to see it again. The ship sails into cold waters that turn to ice and freeze the ship. The ship is squeezed by the ice and can't move. The wood of the ship groans and moans and screams like a woman until it cracks and splinters into tiny pieces. You might escape if you have snowshoes and an ice pick and can jump off the ship onto the ice and wait for a helicopter to pick you up. But if you don't, you will never be seen again."

The smallest pirates hid their eyes. The other pirates yelled, "Ahoy, Arrgh, turn the ship, QUICKLY! Put up all the sails and get us out of here." So the brave pirates, turned the wheel to turn the ship and harnessed all the power of the wind to speed away from the dangers of the ice. And they sailed out of the Fifth Ocean on to another day. THE END.

Posted by The Editor.

The Sonic Pirates

So we've never taken Bubba, Stump or Samantha Jean-Pocket to Mickey D's to eat. We did drive through one time on a cross-country trip from Texas to California. They were hungry, we had no choice, it was the middle of nowhere. Previously, they had asked sometimes to stop at McD's because they would see the playgrounds and it looked like fun to them. We would always tell them, "Oh no, we can't eat there. The food at that place gives you gas." And they bought the explanation, especially when the drive-thru experience resulted in just that. They said they never wanted to eat there again.

Before you think we shelter them too much, you must know they haven't missed out on the fast food experience altogether. We have visits periodically to local burger joints and they do love a good corn dog and french fries. They also have an affinity for Sonic Drive-in. We do not go there for the food, we go for the prize that comes with the food. One thing about Sonic, you can choose tater tots or french fries. Nobody likes tater tots, so we always get fries. But sometimes, the prize is a little soft, stuffed doll that looks like a tater tot with a face, costume, and legs. Prizes change frequently so we've accumulated a little herd of said tot dolls: Astronaut-tot, Lemon-lime tot, Alien tot, and from a recent campaign, a large crew of pirates. You can also request a prize suitable for children less than three and then you get a baby tot in pink, blue, or yellow--we have a small nursery of those, too. And another set was small soft pets, a ferret named Frye and a parrot named Limey. The boys wanted nothing to do with the tot dolls. They would moan and groan when they received one and would pass it off to Samantha. They liked the compasses and telescopes and paper pirate ship, but THEY DID NOT PLAY WITH DOLLS!

Until, somebody had the idea to make the bed a pirate ship and mama could tell stories and we could use our props!

So, after all is said and done and teeth are brushed and water cups filled and blankets and quack are collected, we all head upstairs for a story. Bubba and Stump build a ship on the bed by pushing a blanket into shape and fashioning a crow's nest of sorts with a second layer of blanket. They arrange the crew and I spin the yarn.

This is the first installment for two little boys, one with chocolate eyes and cinnamon hair and the other with blue eyes and blond curls.

He was six. She was somewhat older. The other one was four, almost five. Age didn't matter. The dread pirate crew had been carefully recruited from the wacky packs of the Sonic variety.

There were 7 Captain Crackerishes, 2 Captain Brown Beard peg legs, an astro-tot, a lemon-lime tot, Captain Skelty (the skeleton pirate who was electricified), and Frye the pirate pet ferret. There was also an alien pirate, but he was missing, perhaps overboard.

They waited until the sea princess had sailed off in her pink ironsides to lala land and then they built their ships: two dark blue fleece blankets, one quilt, one light blue fleece blanket for the crow's nest, the light from the old Christmas walk jack-o-lantern and a stick for the mast, stored in the corner of the room for just that purpose (or sometimes a bird habitat.)

The Crackerish Ship sailed around Balulalula Island searching for lost treasure while the Telescope Ship, also known as Captain Skelty Ship, was accosted by a parched, croaking bird who needed a drink of water before delivering a message. The pirate crew was aghast that a bird could talk yet they made haste to help their brother ship in trouble. They did not know the bird was under the spell of the sea witch and their brother ship (Crackerish Ship) was not really in trouble, the sea witch just wanted to capture them so they would take the treasure.

The Captain Skelty Ship rendezvoused with the Crackerish Ship and shared their telescope so Lemon-lime pirate and Frye could climb into the crow's nest to look at the island for a proper beach landing. Alas, there was none to be found because of the witch. She lived in a cave under the island under the water guarded by 7 octopi, 10 stingrays, 8 jellyfish, and 50 sharks. With many "AARGHS" and popping up and down, the Captains collectively devised a plan to capture the witch and get the treasure. Then one Captain Brown Beard Peg Leg spoke up and said, "Aargh, it will never work, her magic is too strong." Captain Skelty said, "Let's just get her and throw her in the river." But Captain Crackerish 3 stood in the prow of the boat to explain his plan. He said he had built a "grrr" and a "grrr" and a "grr, did you hear that?" "What is it," asked Skelty. The Crackerishes 1,2,4,5,6,& 7 said, "Arrgh, it's me stomach, I'm hungry, let's have some soup!" for soup is the favored pirate meal on the Skelty and Crackerish ships.

Crackerish 3 brought out his soup kitchen invention and fed them all, efficiently and generously. Then he explained his plan (without growling stomach interruptions.) He had designed a magnetic robot that could be attached to the anchor and lowered in front of the sea witch's cave to blast her out and capture her without destroying anything else. Crackerish 5 wanted to give the sea witch to the bird so he could fly her out to the middle of the Black Ocean and wait for the whirlpool to start and then drop her in when the lightning flashed then she would go down to the bottom of the ocean and her magic would be broken. Skelty said to just flush her so they could get the treasure. So, Crackerish 3 said he could make a wizard robot that would take the witch's magic and undo her spells and use her power for good.

They all agreed heartily and Crackerish raised the robot's power and broke the witch's spell. The bird reappeared, had a pirate drink and turned back into a pirate. Then Captain Crackerish 3 buzzed over to Balulalula Island to pickup the treasure: a fancier soup kitchen helper robot. Captain Skelty also made a trip for gold coins and they celebrated on deck with many pirate songs and much soup. THE END.


Posted by The Editor.