BGPs

With a 4 year old and a 17 month old, showers are (have to be) strategically planned events. I either have to (a) shower at night when both are asleep, or (b) get up at the crack of dawn before either one is awake, or (c) catch Hubs when he is going to be home and not otherwise engaged for 15 consecutive minutes, or (d) bribe Joy to just chill while Marlo is napping. It gets very tricky to say the least.

Marlo has been hosting a nasty cold for the past week. Otherwise she is a champion napper, but with this cold, all of her routines have been a little off. Friday night neither kiddo slept very well so my night shower was out. Saturday I was not able to get up earlier than the girls. They were filling in for the roosters. Hubs was off and running so I couldn’t count on him. So that left a slot during Marlo’s naptime. Joy, however, had too much integrity to be bribed this particular day. Instead, she convinced me that those precious few moments that Marlo was asleep would be best spent playing Barbies. (So, I concede , this was probably more fun than showering, but not in the best interest of my personal hygiene.) Anyway, the plan was to play Barbies for a few minutes and then go shower. It just so happened that it was salon day for the Barbies and all 72 of them (17 were mine from childhood, 21 are her older half-sister’s, 16 are hers, 7 are Marlo’s, and I’m not sure where the rest came from) HAD to have new hair-dos. And so it happened that before the salon day was finished Marlo woke, prematurely, from her rest. And my hopes and dreams for a shower went down the drain.

Marlo is basically down to one nap a day but since she’s been under the weather and most of her naps are for shortened amounts of time, I have been trying to force the 2-naps-a-day issue. As luck would have it, this was a day that this tactic actually worked. The heavens opened up and shined upon me and gave me a second chance for a shower. It was only 3 pm, after all—I guess better late than never! So, I got Joy all situated watching some mind-rotting cartoon with a chocolate ice cream cone and I sprinted upstairs to take a quick shower.

***If talking about women’s underwear, or nakedness embarrasses you, I apologize (and for you, there will be no point to this post, but) please stop reading at this point, otherwise, read on…***

Glory, hallelujah! I accomplished the most difficult task of the day! When I got out of the shower to get dressed, the bribery had worn off and Joy was waiting on my bed. Now, for some reason, (probably because when she gets out of the tub we pat her bottom and say, “Spanky spanks!” before we dress her) she thinks it’s funny to give me ‘spanky spanks’. At that point I only had time to dry off and get my underwear on. Today the underwear happened to be a thong.

After a few spanky spanks she looked at my thong and said, “Mommy, your BGPs* don’t fit your bottom.” I told her, “Yes, they do.” And she said, “No, they don’t. You have naked bottom back here.” So, again I said, “Yes, they do, these are so you don’t see any lines under your clothes.” She looked at me like she wasn’t buying it, and then finally asked, “Do little girls wear these too?” (Oh, my stars NO! NO! NO!) So I told her (calmly), “Nope, not until you’re a Mommy.” And—thankfully—that was enough explanation…bottom line.

*BGPs=Big Girl Pants



Posted by The Editor for Busy Body


The Editor Advises that you never let Joy learn how to knit, otherwise she might get this into her little head and make her own BGPs to match her momma's.