The Felony Couch

Why does it seem like when you have the least amount of money everything starts to go downhill? For example, all within the last two months our dryer went out, our toaster broke, Hubs’ car desperately needs a tune up, my cell phone fell apart into two separate pieces, my computer is on its last leg, and my couch, oh my couch.

We got our couch about 6 years ago. We replaced a sofa and a love seat with this couch which is a sectional. It’s awesome because it seats so many people. It runs the length of our family room and there is a detached ottoman at the end, separating the family room from the kitchen. It’s green, which is fine, because it blends in with our décor. The polk-a-dots on the couch, however, are not original. They have accumulated over the past 6 years. It has withstood two babies, three children, one cat, one puppy, one very crumb-droppy, spilly Hubs, countless birthday parties, karaoke nights, 5 Super Bowl Sundays, play dates, sippy cup malfunctions, and a well-intentioned washing of the pillow and cushion covers.

I warned Hubs that washing the covers was not a good idea. I even thought that if I refused to participate it would deter him from wanting to go through with it. It didn’t. To make matters worse, I told him to replace the freshly washed seat cushion covers FIRST (because as we all know, these are the hardest to do) but of course, what do I know? He started with the pillow covers and was extremely pleased with his handiwork, and it was so EASY. But, of course, when he got to the cushions, it was another story. After about an hour of grunting and sweating and mild cursing, he finally conceded that he should have listened to me. And, of course, I got roped into helping him finish the job, which, of course, was most of the job since he had only succeeded in getting half a cover back onto the first cushion. For about a week the covers were, indeed, cleaner, but the couch now looks like we put the whole in its entirety into the washer and dryer. Somehow one of the zippers even managed to break, so that cushion looks especially droopy.

Even so, our couch is the envy of all of our friends because it is SO comfy. It is so comfortable, in fact, not a single friend who has spent more than an hour on our couch has been able to resist falling asleep on it. (And no, we are not boring—people fall asleep on it in the middle of LOUD parties, during out of tune karaoke crooners who could make your ears bleed, and Fourth of July fireworks even.) Hubs and I usually fall asleep on it every single night before we sleepily stumble up to bed in the middle of the night. Our friends call it the Felony Couch—because it’s a crime how comfy it is. I guess that makes it easier to overlook the decorations that have been added over the years.

The couch is on my list of things that need to be fixed/repaired/refurbished/deep cleaned. And when this darn economy picks up, I think we will have it reupholstered. It would be a crime to get rid of a piece of furniture that has so completely proven its worth. We will be smarter this time, however. The “face lift” will include micro-fiber somewhere in its definition and a Scotch-guard treatment—probably everything just short of plastic covers.

I am sitting on the couch as I write this. I think I need to go…I’m getting a little sleepy!




Posted by The Editor for Busy Body.